Chronic Pain? Can’t Relate—Just Kidding, It’s My Toxic Bestie
Let’s talk about chronic pain.
Not the cute, “I did one yoga class and now my thighs are sore” kind of pain.
I’m talking about the “Why does my body feel like it was run over by a herd of angry alpacas every morning?” kind.
The chronic kind. The “oh, you’re still here?” kind. The kind that has you negotiating with your hands like, please, I will give you anything—just stop acting like you’re 97 years old and made of uncooked spaghetti noodles.
Let me be clear: chronic pain is not for the weak. It is a full-time job. A personality trait. A relationship status. A lifestyle. And if you’ve got it, you know.
But guess what? We’re not going to let it steal our joy, our spark, or our snacks. We’re just going to sass our way through it. So here are some tips to survive, thrive, and stay fabulous while your joints betray you daily:
1. Respect the Pain—but Don’t Bow Down to It
Yes, your body hurts. Yes, getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest with no sherpa and one Croc. But you are still you. Still brilliant. Still funny. Still a force of nature. So listen to your body, pace yourself, take breaks—but don’t let pain write the whole script. You’re the star. Pain’s just the messy side character.
2. Find Your Magical Pain Toolbox
Every pain warrior needs their kit. Maybe it’s heating pads, essential oils, CBD creams, your grandma’s secret remedy, or all of the above. My personal kit includes:
- Stretchy pants (non-negotiable)
- A heating pad I named “Hot Bae”
- Heated vibrating gloves
- And ice packs for my fingers
Try everything (safely) and build your own potion stash. If it helps, it helps.
3. Move It… Gently
Some days, your body says “nah.” Other days, it says “maybe just a little stretch so we don’t turn into a gremlin?” The key is low-impact movement. Yoga, walking, gentle dancing in your living room to 2000s R&B—whatever makes you feel like a human again without turning your joints into popcorn.
Pro tip: Do not let TikTok trick you into jumping lunges unless you want to visit the ER and your ancestors simultaneously.
4. People Who Get It = Essential
Having chronic pain can be isolating—because explaining it is exhausting. (“No, I’m not faking. No, it’s not just in my head. No, I didn’t ‘try yoga’ and suddenly get cured like a Hallmark movie.”)
So find your people. Online support groups, chronic illness creators, real-life besties who’ll carry your bags and your attitude with grace.
5. Rest Like It’s Your Job (Because It Kinda Is)
Rest isn’t lazy. It’s survival. When you live with chronic pain, rest is how you make it to tomorrow. So if you need to cancel plans, leave the laundry unfolded, or spend an entire day in bed watching comfort TV with a snack shelf beside you like royalty—do it.
Rest unapologetically. Rest glamorously. Rest with snacks.
6. Laugh Through the Pain (Because the Alternative Is Screaming in Public)
If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry—and while both are valid, one leaves my mascara intact.
So yes, I make jokes about my joints sounding like Rice Krispies. Yes, I refer to my feet as “weather forecasters” because they ache 12 hours before rain. Humor doesn’t cure pain, but it gives me back a piece of power. And power looks reallygood on me.
So here’s to the pain warriors.
To the humans who smile through stiffness, crack jokes between cramps, and somehow still manage to show up for life even when their bodies are plotting against them.
You are not weak. You are not dramatic. You are unstoppable.
Now go plug in your heating pad, put on your coziest leggings and oversized hoodie, and live your beautifully bendy, sometimes-broken-but-still-badass life.
