I’m on a mission, y’all. Not just any mission. A monkey mission.
Yes, you read that right. I want a monkey so bad I can practically hear one chattering in my ear right now. And guess what? Florida—the land of alligators, hurricanes, and Publix subs—actually lets you have one as a pet. Don’t threaten me with a good time!
Now here’s the kicker: a baby monkey will only set me back about… oh, just $6,000 buckaroos. Pocket change, right? HA! If only. That’s like… 5,000 iced lattes, or approximately two and a half Target runs when you “just go in for toilet paper.”
So now I’ve got some soul-searching to do:
- Do I start my own thing?
- Work for someone else?
- Or sell my body on a street corner? (KIDDING, don’t call my mama!)
But for real, I want this monkey. And if I hit the $1.7 BILLION Powerball on Saturday? Oh honey, I’ll have a whole dang monkey farm. (Move over, Tiger King. Here comes Monkey Queen.)
The problem is… I’m spoiled. I don’t like being told no. If I want something, I want it yesterday. And right now? It’s monkey or bust, baby!
So here’s where y’all come in:
👉 Buy some shirts from my TikTok shop so I can buy a monkey. Do it for the dream. Do it for the chaos. Do it because you know you want to see me walking around Wesley Chapel with a monkey in a diaper riding shotgun in my PT Cruiser.
Being Simply Sina ain’t easy, but somebody’s gotta do it. And right now, that somebody needs a monkey.
