Florida, Buc-ee’s, and the Hat-Wearing Vampire: A Road Trip Saga
Well, well, well… as promised, here I am, reporting live at checks clock 7:27 a.m. from the cozy (and suspiciously quiet) couch in Wesley Chapel, Florida. Yes, I’m actually here. Yes, on purpose. Sort of. Let’s just say, in the great democracy of our family, I was the one dissenting vote on this road trip… and I still ended up behind the wheel. Apparently, my “no” was overruled by the sacred laws of majority rule and the irresistible pull of Buc-ee’s snacks. And the fact that I can’t tell my kids no!
In case you’re wondering if I’m the type to sacrifice my own comfort for my loved ones: the answer is yes, and I’d like a parade for it. Or at least a gold star sticker and a nap.
But I’ll give credit where it’s due—we made it in record time! I’m talking under 14 hours! That’s including only one hour and 35 minutes of bonus “unexpected scenic detours” (aka potty breaks). The true miracle? We skipped two out of three Buc-ee’s on the way down. That’s practically a felony in the South, but hey, we had a mission: Get there. Fast. With minimal snacks. (Just kidding, we still had snacks. We’re not animals.)
Now, here I sit, trying to soak up the Florida vibe while simultaneously avoiding the sun like it owes me money. Seriously, SPF 100 is my best friend, and if you see someone walking around looking like a vampire on vacation—wide-brimmed hat, sunglasses big enough to land a plane on—it’s probably me. If the pool asks, I said no.
Also, minor victory worth mentioning: the steroids are hopefully kicking in, because my hands—while still acting like they’ve unionized against me—are not completely unusable. Yet. Typing this required some creative finger choreography, but hey, if Olympic-level stubbornness were a sport, I’d be on the podium. Preferably seated. With ice packs. And a gentle round of applause.
But it’s not all sun-dodging and strategic shade-seeking—we’re hoping to squeeze in a trip to Bonnet Springs before heading back to cue dramatic music Dreadstown—I mean, Bardstown. (Sorry, hometown, but you know what you did.)
So, there you have it. I came, I drove, I conquered… and now I’m going to sit here with my Red Bull and pretend I didn’t just spend 14 hours in a car for a getaway I didn’t want. Because that, dear readers, is what moms do.
#MajorityRules #ReluctantRoadTripper #BuceesWithdrawal #VampireInFlorida
