The Midnight Blog Post: Chicken, Water, and the Start of Something Terrible (or Wonderful?)

Here we go. My first blog post. Cue the dramatic music. I’m not gonna lie, I’m nervous. My stomach is doing flips that would make an Olympic gymnast jealous. Honestly, this could be the start of the end for my blogging career, or maybe—just maybe—it’ll be the start of something truly amazing. But let’s be real… it’s probably going to be more of a slow burn.

Okay, let’s talk about life. Or, more accurately, my life right now. It’s almost midnight, and I’m lying in bed like a tired, defeated potato, desperately hoping to get some sleep. But guess what? I can’t. Why, you ask? Because my hands are hurting so badly that it feels like I’ve been trying to squeeze a hundred stress balls for 48 hours straight. If this is what the future looks like, I’m honestly not sure I want any part of it. Who knew that getting older came with the bonus gift of hand cramps?

So, in my attempt to figure out what the heck is going on, I did some light (okay, borderline obsessive) research on inflammation. According to my best friend, Dr. Google, I should cut out red meat, caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods to help calm the inflammation in my hands. You know, the things that make life worth living? Yep. Gone. Apparently, I’m supposed to say goodbye to all the things that make me happy.

So, what’s left for me to eat, you ask? Well, apparently chicken and water. Yes, you read that correctly—chicken and water. My taste buds are about to file a formal complaint. If this is what I need to do to stop feeling like my hands are staging a rebellion, then fine. But if one more person tells me I’ll “get used to it,” I might just throw this chicken at them.

But hey, here’s to the future, right? Here’s to a hand-cramp-free life. I’ll be here, eating my endless supply of chicken, trying not to cry (or starve) from the lack of variety. Chicken and water: the dynamic duo of my new, health-conscious life.

At least I have a blog to vent about it, right? You’re welcome.